Dazed and Confused

I went into hiding for nearly six years. I’ve been back for almost 18 months. The transition into “real life” hasn’t been easy. I’ve made some mistakes. Every part of me wants to run back to where it’s safe. Back into hiding. I’m trying my best to not do that though. And it’s hard.

When I made the choice to sneak away I decided you could no longer be part of my life. Or maybe I had decided you could no longer be part of my life and that’s why I went into hiding. I don’t know anymore. Either way, I kept the promise I made to myself. I didn’t reach out. Not even on New Year’s Eve. Our day. Some couples have a song. We have a day.

For six years I kept you at a distance. You were just someone from a long time ago. Another life. An old friend. Someone that I used to know.

Oh. there were moments when my mind wandered and you crept back in but I quickly put images of you back in the box where you belonged. No, you were no longer part of me. No longer mine. I had to let you go.

One day my hiding place caught fire. Burned to the ground. Forcing me back into the world. But you didn’t know that, yet somehow, all of a sudden, there you were. At the exact right moment. It was the second time you probably saved my life.

I’m not hiding from you anymore. There’s no point. You will always find me. I will take comfort in that. And I will wait.